Greetings on this 29th day of April. Thank you for stopping by my blog 😊
Oh what an emotional rollercoaster this quarantine has been. I have experienced mild to major anxiety. I have experienced peace and joy. I have experienced everything in between.
Can you relate?
I was already experiencing a wide range of emotions prior to the quarantine. Emotional struggles in regards to post op from my arthroscopic knee surgery to joy in anticipation of the birth of my 2nd grandchild. I never knew which emotions were going to hit on any given day, or sometimes any given minute. How many of you can go from “happy, joyous & free” to “restless, irritable and discontent” in the snap of a finger? 🙋🏼♀️
My feelings seem to contradict themselves. I fear people, and I crave people. My political views are shifting. What used to take top priority has either fallen to the bottom or no longer appeals to me. My opinions are strong. These conflicted feelings are confusing!
Besides the restrictions that come with the quarantine, I am now experiencing anxiety with a simple trip to the grocery store. I used to LOVE going to the grocery store on a daily basis to pick up what I needed. I enjoyed seeing the endless choices on the shelves, picking up items for comparison sake, running into familiar faces, going to my favorite check out clerk. Now… I find it to be an upsetting experience. Masked customers & employees, little to no eye contact between people, never knowing if the item I need is going to be available or not, consciously not picking up similar items for comparison sake. I recently left the grocery store in tears – what set me off was seeing a masked guy with dark sunglasses. It felt as though I was among a bunch of bank robbers.
The masks… just typing the word raises my anxiety. I instantly get tightness in my chest, heart racing, clenched jaw and lump in my throat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti mask. I totally understand the necessity of it. It produces anxiety for me because its just not normal for people to walk around wearing masks. But then again, nothing is normal these days. I also find the masks suffocating. On the other hand, the best Easter gift I received was a mask so that I could hold my precious granddaughter.
Zoom… still trying to convince myself on this one. While I appreciate this as an alternative, sometimes Zoom just doesn’t cut it. I’ve attended Zoom meetings for AA, WW, yoga meditation – to name a few, and I find it hard to focus. I’m not the person walking around the whole time (that is so distracting!), but I am fidgeting… I crave the personal feel of a “real” meeting. On the other hand, I’m afraid of being in a “real” meeting room with a lot of people.
My physical limitations took an emotional toll on me in the beginning, but I’m definitely on the upswing now. I’m now walking up to 0.8 miles, biking up to 3 miles, and crushing my physical therapy. My physique has changed, losing hard earned muscle and I’ve accepted that. I’m also on my way to gaining it back. Watch out 💪🏼
So while, many have had all of these wonderful, magnificent goals to come out of this quarantine stronger, it is my goal to keep my head above water and keep moving in the right direction. I’m going to keep my fighting spirit during those dark times and Rachel Hollis my way to the other side.
Imagine with all your mind ~ Believe with all your heart ~ Achieve with all your might
Life With Lisa